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lunatic_of_sol
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Name: J
Country: United States
State: CALI
Gender: Male
Interests: Being And Staying the Hubby (Christine's of course), Reading, Writing, Music Rap and Jazz
Expertise: Hopefully writing, you can disagree
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  lunaticofsol
Member Since:
2/15/2003
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| Former memos of John Roberts were released today by the White House, as
dozens of reporters and interest groups combed through them hoping to
find more shreds of evidence to exaggerate about the personality of the
potential Supreme Court nominee. As of 9:00 pm today, all the
records have revealed are trumped up charges of women abuse and a good
deal of kiss-up-age by John Roberts to Ronald Regan, who was President
of the time. About an hour later, all the records were burned by
flaming liberals and John Roberts has been charged with kissing a very
ugly ugly ass.
Meanwhile, the date for the second shuttle launch since Columbia has
been pushed back until March by an independent commission. The
independent commission claims that NASA has ignored risks of the space
shuttle program. NASA officals scoffed at the pushed back
date. "We don't need the government to give us a launch date," an
unnamed NASA commissioner said, "We need something that can launch."
Finally, Google is opening up with a new round of shares to be sold on
the stock market worth about 4.2 billion dollars. In respect to
the first eight numbers after the decimal point in the number pi,
Google will offer 14,159,265 shares in a final desperate plea that they
really need to be laid.
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| The Washington Post today reported that the Transportation Secruity
Authority has loosened regulations on airport secuirty checks to allow
screeners to avoid the customer clog and focus on the significant
risks. Thus, shoe checks will no longer be needed, and
razorblades are now allowed. Also, throwing stars and bows and
arrows will be allowed, with recent reports that all the ninja terrorists have been
locked up and Robin bin Hood and his terrorist organization of Merry
Men has been sent to flee in the Middle Eastern woods.
Meanwhile, the price of gas in some areas have topped above 3 dollars,
finally giving taxi drivers a legitamate reason to swear.
Meanwhile the price is
causing strange mania to sweep the nation. In New York City,
people have actually started to hunt for cheaper gas prices in their
SUVs, effectively making the hunt meaningless and costly,
reestablishing the fact that if you drive in New York City you are
either really rich, or really angry .
The New York Times does an interesting article on corruption in Russia
and it's everyday nature. For example, to get into a university,
promising students must legally first pass a standardized test, then
bribe the tester to aknowledge them passing the standardized test, then
bribe the dean into finally getting into the university. The
Russians said they based it off of how the American system of white
kids getting into the Ivy League.
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| Bernard Marcus, the first person to open a Home Depot, says he plans
now to build one of the biggest fish tanks in the world, establishing
once again that Home Depot is the place to go for sexually tense men
with too much time on their hands and too much money to spend.
Meanwhile today, a Russian submarine was rescued by a joint effort by a
British-American taskforce. The Russian submarine was an highly
expensive research vehicle, whose crew was reported being too busy
scanning their sonar for dolphins as they
slowly...swam...into...a...fishing...net.
Meanwhile, hiphop money diva Gabriele T. Smith has been accused of
money laundauring from her investors, some of the biggest names in rap,
such as Fabulous and DJ Clue. An interview with one of her
unnamed clients, who accuse her of stealing at least 35 million dollars
from him was reported recently in the newspapers.
Client: Yo, you see, she stole like 35 mizzle from my shizzle,
dawg. I can't sit here while she jack my bling, I gonna go gat
her ass up in court, you heard? I'm gonna slap that bitch up
Suthern-like.
White Reporter: Uh...word.
The recent trend in literature now apparently is for non-fiction.
Many editors and publishers are rejecting fiction works in favor of
non-fiction documentary-like books or political thought books.
Cuz damn it, fiction just doesn't tell the truth like it did before.
Meanwhile, Peter Jennings died today at the age of 67 from lung
cancer. Peter Jennings was one of the most respected, well
traveled, and recognizable journalist of the 20th century, as well as
holding the distinction of being the most boring voice on TV for 40
years straight. God, I wish I was him. God bless.
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| London policemen recently killed an Brazilian electrician who they
claimed was suspicious because he wore a thick jacket on a summer
day. Their policy, shoot-to-kill regarding any suspicious man,
resulted in them directly aiming for the man's head when firing.
Scotland Yard's initial assertion was that the man was "directly
linked" to the London bombings around 3 weeks ago. The man was
later to be found innocent, and the New York Times reported London
having said the incident was a "mistake" and the accusations of
terrorism "a series of incomplete characterizations" and "in some
cases, public misstatements about the evidence."
In American English, that translates to "We LIED, motherfuckers."
In defense of the policemen, President Bush was reported saying "It
wasn't really the policemen's fault. After all, the guy was
wearing a thick jacket. And the beard. He was like ASKING
for it."
Later, the London Police Commissioner Sir Ian was reported again saying
"that more potential suspects could be killed in the mass transit
system". He assured the public that they would all be equally
innocent, but terrifying and justified all the same.
Three dozen people protested in front of Scotland Yard in central
London holding a sign saying "Sorry Is Not Enough." A London official responded: "They fail to understand the
situation at hand. You see, we never said sorry."
Meanwhile, Former VP/Shamed Democrat Al Gore has started his own cable
channel, titled Current and aimed at watchers ages 18-36. Current
is meant to be a revolutionary way of watching TV, where watchers can
choose what the channel shows via website. The channel plans to
very loose and unstructured, with shows ranging from 3-10 minutes
long. In fact, the only stable show will be Google Current - a 3
minute broadcast examining the most popular searches on Google at that
time. Gore is saying that he is reconsidering the show however,
after observing that after three months the words "Hot Asian Teen"
seems to be firmly planted at No. 1. | | |
| London today experienced another bombing today. 4 bombs were set
on the bus and subway stations accross London much like they were
exactly two weeks before. However, this time, all the bombs
failed to go off, and no blood was spilled. Witnesses said they
were first aware of the bombs when they heard a man yell "Longs Drug
brand explosive my ASS!"
Meanwhile, the Patriot Act has come before the House of Representatives
for renewal. The Patriot Act allows the government to have
extended
surveillance over
its people. The political analysis by the major news sources was
while the Democrats did gain some ground arguing that the act destroyed
civil liberties, Republicans was overly believed to win the day with
the undefeatable arguement that the voyuer pornography gathered by the
Patriot Act was too good to take away.
Finally, under diplomatic pressure from the United States, China has
finally agreed to raise it's currency against the dollar. The
move was a desperate attempt by the United States to save it's economy,
and Bush hailed it as proof that his Administration was effective in
it's negotiations.
The net increase: 2%
The Impact on U.S. economy: Nothing.
Go U.S. Diplomacy!
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